


And maybe there were Casualties

by spaghettiandratsauce



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, its sad yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24331984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaghettiandratsauce/pseuds/spaghettiandratsauce
Summary: I can summarize sorry. I just kinda word vomited this---------------------------------------------Karkat looks back on some happenings in SGRUB and comes to term with some things
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	And maybe there were Casualties

Looking back, your biggest mistake was letting him walk away. Letting him isolate and self destruct alone. That is and will always be the thing you regret for the rest of your life. 

Not his. You haven't seen him since… The meteor. That god forsaken rock. Since you watched him die. All of your dead friends were revived. Though, you haven't seen Eridan. He seemed.. Gone. Like he was never brought back. And no one had any evidence to the contrary. 

There had been almost evidence and half seen silhouettes. Though no physical embodiment of him. Like a ghost. Sent to remind you of how much of a fuck up you were. How much better you could have been, were you anybody else.

But there was no replacing him. No hiding what you had done. What you all had done. There was no denying that you had all been… Well if you had actually been the friend he had deserved that maybe... Maybe he'd be here. Maybe he never would have been driven to the point of breaking. Of losing himself so fully to the hell creatures of that gog forsaken game. 

But that didn't stop those who had revived from trying to fill that void. Find people that were so similar, yet… They were never him. Could not be him. He had experienced things with all of you, things that the… The game had done to all of you. There was no.. There will never be replacing the memories. Not for you.

But… Sollux and Feferi. They had done a damn good job of replacing him. Just moving on with little care. As if his existence never mattered in the first place. Which in and of itself proves how terrible they were as moirails. And.. Maybe if. If someone, anyone had been there for him after the fall out. If anyone besides you had been on his side. If you had kept your pact. But no… You messaged him after he killed Kanaya and Feferi. But not him. Past him. Before things got bad. 

Which, looking back, was another mistake. He knew. Always knew that you had no intention of keeping your pact. And the fact that he had held out so long before snapping is a testament to just how strong he is… Was. How strong he was. How strong he could never be again. 

And that was the fact of the matter wasn't it? That he was such a horrible friend that he didn't regret not being there until it was too late. Far too late to save him. And far too late to ever hope to apologize. Only shadows and ghosts of him. If that wasnt your own rotted pan fucking you over.

Though… Seeing even shadows and hallucinations of him made you hopeful. Like maybe it was him. Trying to come back. Though… not for his sake you were hoping for this. But for your own selfish desires to clear your conscience. To make that guilt gnawing away from you from the inside out ease up just a bit. Clear your conscious by the smallest amount. 

However you knew he was long gone. Why else would SGRUB have revived everyone else and leave him as the soul outlier. Keep him dead in some long forgotten dream bubble. That is to say if he was even in a dream bubble to begin with. After Erisol sprite he hadn’t been seen. Maybe he was erased from existence by the universe. But that would be a cold existence, a harsh punishment even he did not deserve. After all, Vriska had killed. Gamzee had killed as well. So why was Eridan singled out as the murderer. He surely had his reasons, though most likely stupid he had to have found a reason to think he had a good idea. So why was he singled out and punished so harshly. 

They were all kids forced to play war. So why should anything except the person they are now carry over? There was reasoning to every horrible choice made. And though the choices may not have been right how were they to know that as children? How are children forced into a situation children should never be in treated as if they did what they did with the soul intent to hurt. That was the fact of the matter. Each action had consequences but they were all also necessary to complete the session. Predetermined actions that had to happen in order to not doom the session. So why are these actions of children making decisions they never had to the defining character traits. 

It made no sense to him. Why was everyone so willing to forgive Gamzee and Vriska but not Eridan? That they all hoped he remained gone. It made no sense. And he supposed maybe it never would without him here. After all it is so easy to hate someone when all you have are memories of their past and have no idea who they would be now. Just the childhood bully who you never saw again and left impressions of a horrible person for all of time.

And maybe Eridan hadn’t changed at all in the dream bubble. Maybe he was still out there. That horrible troll Karkat never imagined he could become. But he wasn’t here. And maybe he never would be. And that is the sad truth. That not all stories have happy ends. And no war is won without casualties. And Eridan, coincidentally, was that casualty.


End file.
